Subversive Narrative... at work.

Working at UPS under the direction of a certain district manager has it's challenges. In fact, alot of days it just sucks the life right out of me. Other days it just sucks. But honestly the benefits and the signed piece of paper every Friday morning are reason enough to drive into the city every morning at an hour when sane people are all sleeping. We have a stairway from our office to our work area.

Above it someone put up a homemade motivational poster... it says

NO INJURIES,

NO SERVICE FAILURES,

100% ON TIME DEPARTURES,

NOTHING BUT EXCELLENCE.

Ok that someone was me. This simple act of positive vandalism has been a real morale booster. Myself and my partners tap it on our way out like its some kind of "Remember the Titans" esque lucky charm. We are unsure how long it will stay up. Heres to one full day!

Mixed Emotions...

We are finishing our first year here in Arizona. Wow! As we celebrate advent I know that we have much to be thankful for. I will say it again... much to be thankful for. One more time... we have much to be thankful for. Looking back on the year, lots of big dissapointments. Tranny Blew in the van! Church growth is slower than expected. Worldwide economic crisis seems to be affecting our house also. Thanksgiving at the ER. Experienced humbling correction. General dissapointment with the efforts made by my sponsoring church and ordaining organization as far as planting new and different churches. They did so much more than I expected, yet there is still some dissapointment.

In some ways I feel alone and also lonely.

Yet I feel like I am much more healthy and that I am surrounded by new and old relationships that seem healthy and helpful. I feel very much like I'm going through a wilderness experience...trying to come to grips with who I am. Trying to find my place in HIS Kingdom. Hopeful to see HIS Kingdom come here and now, on earth as is it is in heaven. Somedays hoping that he would just rapture me and my loved ones away. But very excited to feel like I'm really sharing life with folks.

This year has brought a new wholeness, a new transparency, and new vulnerabilities. I feel like we are starting over. That's hard, but very exciting. I feel like I am my kid's dad. I wish I could buy them more cool stuff. Shoot... I just wish we could keep the cupboards stocked. But I am thankful for special times with each of them. I am thankful that I can see the ways this move has been good for them.

I'm hopeful for 2009.

Another One Bites the Dust

DHL is cutting $9,500 jobs and ending its Domestic Air Service.

This should just about bankrupt their main vendors ABXAIR and ASTAR. (Did you see Circuit Center filed for bankruptcy today?)

The DHL thing severely minimizes the proposed deal of UPS handling DHL's air volume, and puts a bunch of volume up for grabs between UPS and Fed Ex. Should be interesting to see what happens. For now I'm glad I got the call from Brown and the thin rejection letter for DHL. I think I'm done reading the news. It's depressing.

I needed an extra day...

We have moved. The Spoons now live in Avondale, AZ. We moved on Feb. 29. I can't wait to celebrate the anniversary of our relocation...four years from now. Leap year, interesting concept. Everything still seems like some surreal dream I'm going to wake up from soon. Hopefully the whirlwind slows down soon and allows time for more regular blogging. For now just a few prayer points. The new church begins services on March 16th, pretty much tomorrow. I'm not ready. Pray for the bivocational status. In order for us to make it financialy I need a miracle or a job. The "Brown" ball is moving; just not as quickly as I would like it to be. Kiddos 1, 2, and 3 - They have been great but you can tell adjusting is hard. Lots of crying and defiance. I continue to be overwhelmed by the generousity and graciousness of God's people. I hope to make time to share more soon. Peace.

We're Going Somewhere

This is my family.
We're going somewhere.
It's different than where we've been.
What it looks like?
I can't say.
In fact, I don't really know.
I'm getting anxious.
It's going to be good.
We invite you to go with us,
even if just in spirit.

Topherspoon is listening to this.
Topherspoon is preaching tomorrow.
Topherspoon had a good nap today

Freedom!

Tuesday Night Volley ball league is over. I am so happy. I will miss grilling burgers. I will miss the nail biting victories. I will not miss being the official. And I will enjoy the possibilities of being at home another night during week.

Got to teach a three hour session at the Bible College today:

I covered...
the Growth of Teen Adolescence
Relational Youth Ministry
Generational differences
Postmodern Credos
Second Chair Leadership
Barna's new research
and the meaning of missional.

Needless to say we didn't get too deep in any one area. I had a blast!

Saddleback...my eye witness account

For the first time ever, today I attended a regular service at a mega-church. Not just any mega church, the mega church. That's right we visited the multi-million dollar shrine to Rick Warren, Saddleback Church.

We arrived through Saddleback Parkway and we're guided by an array of red shirted, hat and sunglass wearing attendants directing us into the lower lot. The wife actually asked me... "Do you think we'll have to pay to park?" It really did feel like he had parked in the Lion King lot, especially when the tram pulled up. We probably should have skipped the tram but when the tram volunteers were shouting "main worship center", I assumed that was the place to be. Once in the fire pit area, that's where the tram stops, we hiked up some stairs and started following signs to the children's center. A nice member of the greeters team told me we needed to go back down a different set of stairs. While we were talking I saw a building labeled "Nursery building". Since it was at the same level we were I skipped the greeter dude's instructions and headed in that direction. Sure enough! It was the nursery building!... but 18months -24months were downstairs. We hiked down stairs and waited in line, gave her name, my name, my phone number, "Yes, I said 951", and got our retrieval sticker. This was a tad bit exhausting. Now to find where 3's and 4's go. We hiked past the cool rock maze, went by the 1yr old and 2 yr old classes, marched through the main kids ministry foyer. FISH! FISH! Nemo! Dory! FISH!, my kids shouted as we walked past multiple salt water aquarium walls. And finally we arrived at the 4 year old class rooms. While we were once again waiting in line, the wife says I think we should put them (our other two kids) in the same class. A very nice jersey wearing lady (their kid's ministry is called "All Stars") asked us if we knew where we were going. I explained it was our first time and we were just visiting. She then asked how old the kids were. At this moment I did what I think anybody else in my situation would have done...okay maybe not. I LIED, I said "they are both four". This seemed really justified in a Rahab sort of way. I just wanted my kids to be together, I wanted my wife to feel at peace, I just wanted to actually go to church and not have to go on another hike to find the 3 year old classes. Feeling the glare of my wife and fearing God, or maybe Pastor Rick, would strike me with lightening, I made a correction "actually she's almost four and he's almost five, but we would really like them to be in the same class, just for today". The nice lady asked my wife "When's her birthday?" "August", the wife says "she's only three", looking at me like I was stupid not dishonest. "Oh no, we can't do that...", I'm not sure what the lady said after this but it had to do with developmental differences, maybe you could work on this during the week, we have a family friendly venue, all of our handlers are finger printed. (I'm almost sure she said handlers and I think this label should be re-thought through.) My kids were instantly in tears and neither wanted to go to their class by themselves.

We headed back to the "main worship center" ...over the river and through the woods... only to find out that children under five are not welcome in the main worship center. We were directed to the new "Family venue" over there, down the stairs, see that tent?, not that one but the one behind it, next to the beach burger stand. The wife says, "I'm ready to just go home!". One of the nice greeter dudes must have heard her cause he chased us down and asked, "Can I suggest the family venue?" He gave us similar directions, leaning and pointing, omitting the burger stand proximity.

My wife has real issues with folks not allowing kids in their service, and I'm with her. Somehow having a family venue creates a separate but not really equal second class citizenship. She was ready to go home. Despite the fact we had by now missed any chance at some hip cool mega church corporate worship, and despite the fact that I had a pretty good idea of the sermon content (they were kicking off forty days of purpose, and I've already read the book). We went to the family venue late. My wife was greeted, my kids were not. We walked into a tent with some tables where families were coloring together while "Everybody loves Raymond" played on the big screen. There were no seats at the tables so we sat on the school chairs (the family venue is housed in what is normally the junior high venue) and tried to take in the sermon. I was laughing at how Pastor Rick kept saying "tonight" until I realized we were not watching a live feed but simply a recording from the Saturday night service. I left to take the boy to the restroom, it's outside in a different temporary building. The wife was waiting for me when I came out, she really was ready to go home. We picked up the baby and went back to the tram pick-up and waited until we realized the tram was broke. We then hiked back the way we had came past all the tents over the bridge and down the elevator to the lower lot where we had originally parked.

I was a little dissapointed. I have some fairly random thoughts and one that I think is monumental.

Random thoughts...

How does one of the most influential preachers in America get away with repeating a series everybody knows he already did.

The Junior high venue was really cool! It pretty much sucked as a family venue, but it was the coolest middle school tent ever. I was having youth pastor envy.

I'm still a little bummed I didn't get my free copy of The Purpose Driven Life. I have the hardback but I'm a sucker for a great deal.

Somehow it made me feel better that big church, rich, baptists, from Orange County deal with the same stuff we do, seating, stuff breaking, what to do with kids, etc.

There was about a hundred people in the family venue, counting all the kids. No one looked too excited to be there, except one couple sitting in front of us and the sound guy who is for sure one of those people who just loves what ever they are doing.

I was once again reminded and impressed by the efforts of this church in addressing the AIDS crisis.

4 out of 20 cars in the parking lot were beamers. I didn't count Mercedes, Land Rovers, or Hummers, but 20% had a little BMW emblem. I'm not sure why I noticed this.

MONUMENTAL THOUGHTS

People have to be more important than programs. Relationships have to be more important than rules. No one ever told me their name. The nursery lady was the only person who ever asked me mine. I wonder how new people feel when they show up at my church? I don't want to knock Saddleback, that operation is a massive logisistical undertaking, and I was impressed with the shear volume of people that showed up, and the small army of staff and volunteers that it takes to make weekend services happen. I just wonder if many other families have had a similair experience, maybe it was their first ever church experience. I hope it wasn't their last. I'm reading this book... Everything Must Change. And that's what I'm thinking.

Prayer Update...

The 7th grader came home. She is safe. Thank God.

Yo is still in the hospital. Even when he comes home it looks like a long recovery.

It looks like the wife and I will for sure be able to make a trip to AZ, visit family and friends and hang out with those four couples. This will be a much needed rest.

I had a fantastic evening last night. I had the joy, honor and privledge of officiating the marriage of two of my former students. It was like a reunion of sorts since all the bridal party and many of the guests were somehow connecting to my first attempts at youth ministry when I was barely old enough to not be in youth myself. It was cool for the wife and I. Pray a blessing for the couple.

TOO MUCH!

I am feeling too much. I am doing too much. I am thinking about too much. I need peace. I need quiet. I need simplicity. I need a vacation.

Oh yeah, I just learned that my vacation will be cut short if I want to go to the Twin Cities. Why is everything in my life so connected yet so compartmentalized?

A Poem by Edward Everett Hale

I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.

This poem is just one paragraph from the 10 page packet I created that is being looked over by the elders of my church this weekend. Yesterday was a bizzare day. Exciting. Scary. Terrifying. All at the same time. In a sense I feel relieved. In a sense I feel nervous.

Cool poem huh?

Positive Change... I think so.

Today I had an unscheduled, closed door meeting with my s.p. There was clarity. There was healthy dialogue. My ministry, as well as our friendship, were both re-affirmed. I feel like today's meeting was an answer to prayer. Thank you to those who have been praying with me, and for me. God is good.

I no longer own a truck.

For over a decade I have owned a pick-up. Today I sold the vechicle I have owned longer than any other vechicle ever. $325. So... I no longer own a pick up. We are now a one vechicle family. Am I sad?

I will miss laying in the bed counting stars and airplanes with my oldest. Today he asked me "Dad, how will we haul the trash?" in his still recovering speaky no adenoids voice. The big girl said "Dad, we need you to have a truck!" So they are dreaming of a white one. I am dreaming of less vechicle costs, and preparing to ride my bike if neccesary.

What is Topherspoon Singing?

You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You were God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

Today didn't Suck.

Funniest thing I heard today.

So where Are you going for your honeymoon? Texas. Why Texas?
I have to meet my mother-in-law.

Sometimes I think I'm so cool, and emergent, and cutting edge. Let me just admit, I'm the biggest dork on the planet! In spite of that, I am blessed with wonderful friends. I serve a wonderful church with the best students anywhere. My wife is the most gracious, compassionate, and caring person on the planet, and she's beautiful (and she has a pretty good eye for photos). My kids rock. Oh yeah, my kid's uncles are pretty cool too.

I survived today and things went better than I thought they would.

I need a new Torque Converter.

And this sounds expensive. Thanks to Ford's 75,000 mile power train warranty, it's only going to cost me $100. This is more than I have but with 71,000 miles on the odometer I'm somehow thankful for this timely break down.

So the soccer mom mini van will be at the dealership till at least Wednesday, so that left me and the family rolling in total style today... 1975 Crown Bus. It must have been confusing for the kids. We got some chilli fries for lunch and then fueled the bus. We got food for the house and cheap peanut buttter sandwich cookies for tomorrow's beach trip. My kids often just roll with what ever youth ministry event is happening, and I'm not sure how healthy that is, but we do try to communicate with them what's going to happen, it just doesn't always work. Today when we got back to church with the groceries my middle child, the outgoing one of the bunch, says "Ah man! How come we didn't go to the beach!" Tomorrow, Princess, Tomorrow.

Speaking of beach trips...I went to high school with this kid named Joe, I can't remember if he was Joe 1 or Joe 2. Joe is a Youth Pastor. Today Joe got fired. Joe... the rest of this post is for you.

Joe worked faithfully for seven years at the same place, he served his students, congregation, and community in ways that brought heaven to earth. Today Joe got blindsided in a meeting. It went something like this... "We're going in a direction...today is your last day!" As far as I know he did nothing illegal, immoral, or unsafe (possibly justifiable reasons to fire a youth worker on the spot). THIS STINKS! Makes me think of a quote by a friend of mine who's been gone for awhile...

I'm beginning to believe that if those who are called into youth ministry follow
the lead of the One who called them, getting fired is inevitable. Why? Because,
in general, the institutional church doesn't get it. The institutional church
has become hopelessly corporate, hopelessly tangled in a web of secularism.
Instead of the church being the Church, it has opted instead to be a
corporation. - Mike Yaconelli

I am so hopeful for the body. I do not believe this quote is true. But I keep seeing it prove itself over and over again. BTW: How come no one calls it "getting fired" when you work at a church? Transistion is always based on God's leading. "We just felt called somewhere else". Like it would be immoral to say "me and mister pastor are driving each other nutts! For the sake of each other and the body we need to do something different". I'm all for unity and avoiding division. I just think a little more honesty and transparency would go along way in the church. For Joe, and his wife, I hurt today. But as an advocate of students, I hurt for Joe's kids. The one's who were learning how to live out their faith in a pluralistic world, the ones who just got home from feeding the homeless, and introducing kids to Jesus. To the kids that were being led to a real lasting connected relationship with God, and now are confused and with out their leader, I want to say I'm sorry. I want to apologize on behalf of the church. I want you to know, I'm sorry your beach trip got messed up, and I hope God redeems this mess.

PS- I am not Joe. Joe's name is not really Joe. I didn't ask Joe if I could post this, but quite frankly, there's way too many Joes out there to even start asking them. Would you pray with me? May the church become more holistic in it's ministry to students. May the church start being the church regardless of our generational and cultural differences. May we all become a little more honest and transparent. And may we find the grace of Jesus in this beautiful mess.

Post Camp Sabbath...

...Sorta

This is my bed from camp. This is the dummy I made to scare the crap out of the "clean dorm" judges. See the resemblance?

Oh yeah, it did scare the judges.

Slept till almost 9AM today. Spent the morning chillin' at home catching up with the blog world. Cut my grass and raked my dirt. Hauled away a truckload of trash. Had Del Taco in the park with the wife, my three kids, one more, and uncle Danny. Played on the tunnels, slides, and poles at the playground. Checked out uncle Danny's new place, (a little bit of a fixer upper but has a trampoline, three bar bq's, a fire pit and several good spots for a dart board). It's on a huge lot and he actually has plans for a go kart track. Stopped at Rite Aid for some scoop ice cream before going to my least favorite place on the planet (Wal Mart). Got Superman Ice Cream all over three kids (the baby was asleep). Came home and had a good phone conversation with one Mr. G (To anyone else who was worried about me after reading this post, I'm doing fine) and had spagetthi dinner at the table as a family. Gave kids bathes in the sink and then spent some time at church putting away some camp leftovers and sorting through some photos for a slideshow in tomorrow morning's services. It's been nice to catch my breath today, but this week will be crazy.

Besides further camp and missions trip planning, a summer nights fellowship, Tuesday's Beach and Bibles outing, Thursday's missions team meeting, and all my normal stuff, I have to figure out why my van pukes when going up hill. It's like the mountain road makes it car sick...Get it?... CAR... Sick? It's a car. Never Mind. Looking forward to spending Monday morning at the dealer and the rest of the day vanless...NOT! Happy Lord's Day. Good Night!

Morality

This week I killed a gopher (with my kids watching), stole a vacum belt from Wal-Mart, and watched the movie "Flightplan". The movie is probably not worth your time, but when it was over, I thought, "all that for only $50,000". The bad guys do what they do (trying not to be a spoiler here) motivated by $50 Grand. It just seemed like not much money for all the planning, personal sacrifice, and killing of others.

I remember when I worked for Brown. Some of my co-workers got fired for eating cherries that fell out of a box. The premise was; "if they'd eat some one else's fruit, what would they do if a diamond ring fell out of a box?" Does anyone besides me think this is a poor premise?

This week I read the story of Rahab (from the book of Joshua in the Hebrew scriptures). She's the harlot that God spares for lying about the spies she hid. SPARED FOR LYING.

So glad there is grace in Jesus. So glad he looks at our hearts. So glad I'm not the judge.

Compartmentalized

I recently have expressed to several loved ones my desire for my life to be less compartmentalized. I'm not sure what this might look like but I'm sure it would include more grace and further understanding. For example, folks at church might understand my need to find friends outside the church. My friends outside the church might understand why I love serving such a beautiful group of culturally peculiar people. Folks I serve with as a staff might understand that the time I spend chillin with my brother or taking rest is spiritually important and good. My family might understand that I am different than their pre-conceived mis-conceptions about the "church". It is these same feelings that have caused some of these same loved ones to seek dramatic changes in their life and vocations.

As I have processed through this some, I realize that at one point, my life used to be like that. me, my wife, our families, my church, my friends, my ministry were all trapped in a fairly traditional, fundamentalist, Bible thumping, non-smoking, non-drinking, generally abstaining from all appearances of evil, bubble. It wasn't all that great.

I'm thankful for the tension and also the diversity of relationships that are present in and shaping my life at this moment.
Yesterday I started my morning at a typical greasy spoon "Kountry" diner for a hearty breakfast and good conversation with Journeyman. We discussed some shared sufferings, longings, and experience in what I call "the joys of second chair leadership". I felt a divine confirmation that I need to be in Minnesota next spring, maybe for a week or two longer than I originally planned.
The yumminess continued as I met a friend for drinks at Mickey D's. Yes, the Ronald Mc Donald Place. There was a Starbucks across the street, but we settled for some McFlurry goodness. My favorite wells fargo banker, Paul (not his real name) has a real passion for Apologetics, (and also Apologetix). Paul is fulfilling some essential leadership roles at our church as a volunteer and is longing for the glorious days of vocational ministry. I keep trying to tell him that "vocational ministry" is not always all it's cracked up to be. I mean, I think it's the best job in the world. But certainly enough of my friends are pursuing exit plans so they can pursue ministry with out the constraints and expectations that come with being part of a "church staff"... and I totally understand why they would do that.
From there I had some great phone conversations with some of my compadres about summer camps. Our speaker, I have not yet met in person, is growing on me as we have more phone conversations together. He lives in Baltimore. I then visited and prayed with one of the greatest pre-school teachers in the world. She had major surgery this week and she is one of the reasons I love serving such a culturally peculiar group of people. I thought she was peculiar before, but after seeing her on drugs? I'm convinced.
I then went to deliver a Sourdough Jack to my bro, and favorite pizza delivery man. We opened the bag and were disappointed to find no sourdough jack. Why does that always happen to me? We had a nice lunch and visit. I again am so thankful for this season of having Tim close by.
I got back to church in time to put together a lesson for our evening student gathering. We used Steve Case's Book of Uncommon Prayer and had a fairly liturgical, student led service, outside, celebrating the arrival of summer. It was a little weird, but wonderful all the same. I ended the evening with my favorite person. My wife, cafe con leche, and our green couch. It was a pretty good day.

The day before included equally as meaningful conversations with an Indonesian missionary, Wisconsin worship leader, Californian church planter and Arizonian English teacher. Did I mention how much I appreciate the diversity of meaningful relationships in my life right now? It's been good.

Paycheck

I never made it to Cobalt Season tonight. Instead, in all my craziness, I got one of the best paychecks ever. Not monetary, but different. I recieved an engraved plaque that is a replica of one of my student's diploma. The student said I was just as much responsible for him graduating as anyone else and he ordered it special so I would think of him. He said I should put it somewhere I'll see it often so that during those times when I want to quit, or feel like what I'm doing is in vain, I'll know that I'm making a difference. There was not a dry eye at the whole party. I was a little bit blown away that so much attention was given to me at his graduation party. He didn't say anything about super cool programs or my awesome gotee or thought provoking sermons. He said I listened, made time for him, and believed in him.

For all my youth pastor buddies I hope this is an in-your-face reminder like it was for me. He said I listened, made time for him, and believed in him. It was an awesome moment for me... way better paycheck than any I could spend. I am humbled by the whole thing... and a little bit bummed I missed Cobalt Season.

Sabbath?

Today, I don't have to work...aaaaahhhhhh. Deep breaths. Very nice. Tonight should be interesting. I have been invited to one high school graduation, one graduation party, two birthday parties, a house show, and to go swing dancing. Need more info? I don't dance, that's an easy one to say no to. The parties are all at the same place, one party, celebrating three people. I will do a classic "greet and go" at the front end of the graduation, chill at the party for a while, and quite possibly catch the end of the show. 3 out of 4 wouldn't be bad. And most of these things count as rest, except for the graduation. For now... I'm going to read the latest edition of "Cutting Edge" and then I'm going to start N.T. Wright. AAAAAAHHHHH. Deep Breaths.