Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Mixed Emotions...

We are finishing our first year here in Arizona. Wow! As we celebrate advent I know that we have much to be thankful for. I will say it again... much to be thankful for. One more time... we have much to be thankful for. Looking back on the year, lots of big dissapointments. Tranny Blew in the van! Church growth is slower than expected. Worldwide economic crisis seems to be affecting our house also. Thanksgiving at the ER. Experienced humbling correction. General dissapointment with the efforts made by my sponsoring church and ordaining organization as far as planting new and different churches. They did so much more than I expected, yet there is still some dissapointment.

In some ways I feel alone and also lonely.

Yet I feel like I am much more healthy and that I am surrounded by new and old relationships that seem healthy and helpful. I feel very much like I'm going through a wilderness experience...trying to come to grips with who I am. Trying to find my place in HIS Kingdom. Hopeful to see HIS Kingdom come here and now, on earth as is it is in heaven. Somedays hoping that he would just rapture me and my loved ones away. But very excited to feel like I'm really sharing life with folks.

This year has brought a new wholeness, a new transparency, and new vulnerabilities. I feel like we are starting over. That's hard, but very exciting. I feel like I am my kid's dad. I wish I could buy them more cool stuff. Shoot... I just wish we could keep the cupboards stocked. But I am thankful for special times with each of them. I am thankful that I can see the ways this move has been good for them.

I'm hopeful for 2009.

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