What is the value of relationship? Which do you pursue? Which do you let go? How do you measure value in relationships? Is ministry really dependant on relationship? What do healthy relationships cost? Define work. Is that saying about letting a butterfly go really true? How do you earn trust? When is it "ok" to quit? How can you lead in spite of insecurity and doubt? Transparency is overrated. Is sustainability possible, with out selling out? Why does a sovereign God allow suffering and hurt? Do you need to read your Bible more or get another job? What's next? Should I be excited or scared? How much does it cost?
Today was for all purposes a great day. A great day packaged in an incredible weekend. Things at my secular job seem to be finding order and direction more than ever. I seem to be enjoying some sort of new found respect from my employees, peers, and overseers. The church I pastor is building great momentum and had record attendance this morning. Yesterday the church had a "matthew party" like baby shower... coed, organic, and different than any I've seen or heard of. Despite four families being unable to attend, our home group tonight felt well attended and allowed for some excellent sharing and genuine discipleship. Why am I awake, unable to sleep and feeling overwhelmed, dealing with questions I do not have good answers to? My heart is happy but the uneasiness is disturbing. I long for shalom.